


i always knew

by GayaIsANerd



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Mentions of Mental Illness, Nonbinary Mikael, POV Even Bech Næsheim, SKAM Fic Week, little to no angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 05:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14888694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayaIsANerd/pseuds/GayaIsANerd
Summary: The dreams start on his 19th birthday. A woman screaming, a basement, a man slamming the door behind him, a dark bar, a kind voice telling him he’ll be okay, a blurry shot of another boy. Those are the most clear but there are other images, emotions and sensations lingering even after he wakes. There’s no clear timeline, no names or addresses or anything that could give more definite information.The information Even doesn’t have, tells him his soulmate is younger than him, not yet 19.The information he does have, tells him his soulmate is suffering and Even’s heart aches for him.





	i always knew

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my lovelies! <3  
> Thank you so much to Ade for proofreading this, any and all mistakes left are mine because I'm a goblin that can't spell and also hates editing my fics (woops)

The dreams start on his 19th birthday. A woman screaming, a basement, a man slamming the door behind him, a dark bar, a kind voice telling him he’ll be okay, a blurry shot of another boy. Those are the most clear but there are other images, emotions and sensations lingering even after he wakes. There’s no clear timeline, no names or addresses or anything that could give more definite information. 

The information Even doesn’t have, tells him his soulmate is younger than him, not yet 19.

The information he does have, tells him his soulmate is suffering and Even’s heart aches for him.

When he tells Sonja about the dreams, her face clouds, unhappiness pulling at the corners of her mouth. 

“It’s not mania,” he says, hackles rising.

Her lower lip tremble and Even immediately feels the stab of regret for his defensive tone.

“I know,” she says, sighing, “I’ve been having them too.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I just…,” she trails off, hands going up as if she wanted to reach for Even but changed her mind at the last second. As if she’s no longer allowed to touch him now that he knows she isn’t his soulmate.

“You don’t need to take care of me, you’re allowed to look for him,” Even tells her, and he tries to keep the barbed wire out of his tone. 

When she twists her mouth, he knows he has failed. 

“I need you to not feel like you’re stuck with me, like you need to be with me just because we thought we were soulmates and then I got diagnosed.”

She bristles, and there’s real anger in her eyes now. “You think that’s what I’m doing? You think I’m staying with you out of some sick sense of responsibility? I love you, you asshole!”

Sonja sighs deeply and her shoulders sag, the anger leaving her.

“You deserve more than this, you deserve your soulmate,” Even says, pushing her hair behind her ear.

She opens her mouth as if to argue but he stops her, “I’m not saying this out of self loathing, I’m just… you deserve happiness, Sonja.”

“So do you,” she says, putting her head on his shoulder.

*

They don’t break up, not officially, but something does change. Sonja tells him about her dreams, and Even notices himself getting excited for her.

“They’re becoming more clear, I think I have a name,” she says one morning. She slept over, even though they hadn’t had sex in months. The weight of her body against his is still comforting, however, and they both agreed not to deny themselves that as long as they haven’t found their soulmates yet.

“You’re getting ready to meet him, he’s close,” Even says.

Sonja nods, fumbling with a loose tread on her sleep shirt. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

Even frowns, he’d do anything to trade places with her. His dreams are as confusing as ever, he’s nowhere near getting to his soulmate.

“I just… he’s  _ it _ you know, after I’ve met him, there will be no one else, for the rest of my life.”

“Why would you want anyone else if you can have the one person that’s perfect for you?” Even asks, sincerely confused.

Sonja rolls her eyes, but there’s no real annoyance behind it. “Of course you’d only see the good parts, you’re a romantic,” she says, making Even grin. She wraps her arms around her body, hugging herself close. “What if he hates me? What if I hate him?”

Even pulls at her until she relents and falls into his arms. “No one could hate you, Sonja,” she scoffs, looking up at him with disbelieving eyes, “I never hated you, not once. Sure, I disliked you sometimes,” he says and laughs when she pokes him. “I never hated you though. You’re too kind to hate.”

She sniffles and he hugs her even closer.

“He’s your soulmate, Sonja. Everything will be fine, I promise.”

*

She dreams of his face two weeks after that. 

“He’s beautiful,” she says, blushing.

Even smiles, genuinely happy for her. It’s been a long time since he felt anything other than friendship for Sonja. 

“I think I should move my things back to my place,” is the next thing she says. Even agrees, he doesn’t want to hold her back now she’s so close to meeting her soulmate. 

His own dreams still haven’t become more clear, but he isn’t worried. Sonja is an exception, most people don’t meet their soulmate until later. 

“I think he’s older,” she says, and that could explain it, he might’ve been the one waiting for her. He might’ve met her months earlier if Even hadn’t held her back. “Hey,” she says, “I know that look of you.” She puts a finger to his mouth, where he had pursed his lips. 

“I chose to stay, even when the dreams started coming. This isn’t your fault, I just wasn’t ready to leave you.” Even frowns even deeper and she flicks his forehead. “Not because of your illness, dickhead,” she smiles, “because you’re my best friend. My shelter. Because I love you.”

Even pulls her close, breathes in her hair. “I love you too.”

Soon after that, she meets him

“He’s uhm...,” she says, blushing deeply, “he’s an intern for my dad.”

Even laughs, Sonja calls him an ass. She glows when she talk about him. Even itches for that same feeling.

*

Time passes and Even keeps dreaming without things getting clearer. There are new dreams now, a shot of a new room, two new voices, the taste of weed. He’s no closer to finding him, though, but he believes his soulmate is in a better place now, even though he’s not happy. 

Then, on the morning of his 19th birthday, Yousef shows up at his doorstep.

“I know who they are,” is the first thing he says.

Even gapes, “Are the dreams clear?”

Yousef blushes, “No, it’s just that… I know what they are about. I know those images… I think I saw myself.”

“Who are they?” 

“Sana,” Yousef whispers so softly Even almost misses it, “I think we’re soulmates.”

Even smiles so wide his cheeks hurt.  “I knew it!”

“No, stop that!” Yousef says, “She can’t know yet! Elias can’t know yet! Elias is going to kill me.”

Even chuckles, “if you think you were being subtle about your crush before-”

Yousef groans, “Please stop talking.”

“Come on, birthday boy, I’ll make you breakfast,” Even says, taking pity on his friend.

*

After that, Yousef somehow scores them an invite to Sana’s kose party.

“I thought I was finally freed of highschool parties and now you’re making us go to one?” groans Adam, when he walks in with the six pack of coke he’s bringing to the party.

“Yeah, I wonder why,” Mikael adds, grinning.

Elias and Yousef wear matching glares as they turn to them, making Mikael raise their hands as a sign of surrender, though the grin still tugs at the corners of their mouth.

Elias has chosen to pretend like he doesn’t know Yousef has been dreaming about Sana, hoping he has three more years until he needs to face the reality.

Still, Even knows Elias is secretly glad it’s Yousef, someone he knows and trusts to be good to Sana, and even more importantly, someone he knows Sana likes as well.

When they get to the party, Yousef immediately disappears and reappears on Sana’s side. Elias rolls his eyes and walks to the other side of the room, as far away from the two as possible.

“Hello!” a blonde girl stops in front of Even, a tube of neon face paint in her hands. “I’m Vilde. Who are you?”

“Even, I’m here with Yousef,” Even points to him, and the girl follows his finger.

“Oh,” she giggles, “right!” Even raises his eyebrows in question but she just laughs again, “I know Yousef.”

“He didn’t tell me the theme was neon?” Even says, looking around.

“I can help with that,” she replies, lifting the paint in question. When Even nods, she smiles and gets to work, painting two yellow suns on his cheeks. “There you go,” she says after she’s done, “have fun!”

Two beers and a lot more songs later, Even drops down next to Mikael on the couch. 

He stretches out his arm behind Mikael’s back and they drop their head on Even’s shoulder. 

“Good party,” Mikael sighs and Even laughs.

They watch the party for a second, easy silence between them. 

“Yousef is making a fool out of himself,” Mikael says, and Even turns his head to look for Yousef who is indeed making a fool out of himself. “I’m going to intervene before he reveals it and Elias really does kill him.”

“Good luck,” Even says.

“She already knows,” a voice sounds from Even’s left and he turns with a start, not even having noticed someone was sitting there. Now that he does, though, he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to not see the boy. 

When Even’s been quiet for too long, just staring, the boy squirms in his seat, points his chin in the direction of Yousef and Sana. “Sana? She knows Yousef is her soulmate.”

Even tears his eyes away from the boy, looks at Yousef and then back. “How?”

The boy rolls his eyes, “He’s not exactly subtle, is he?”

Even laughs. “No, I guess not.”

“I’m Isak,” he says, reaching out his hand to Even.

“Even,” he introduces himself in return, a wide smile on his face.

“So, what does she think?” Even asks.

Isak shrugs and smiles. “I’ve already said too much, she’d kill me if I’d talk about her, I’d rather not take my chances.”

Even laughs, “Fair enough, she can be kinda scary.”

They just smile at each other for a bit before Even’s attention gets drawn by Mikael’s voice. 

“You’re 19 right, like Yousef?” Isak asks, and Even turns back to him, nods. “Is he your soulmate?” Isak gestures in Mikael’s direction.

Even shakes his head, “Nope, they aren’t,” he waits for a beat, sees if Isak is going to comment on the change of pronoun. When he doesn’t, Even continues, “they’re having dreams already as well, but they’re being mysterious about them,” he raises his eyebrows, “must mean they know who they are, right?”

“Right,” Isak agrees. He doesn’t ask about Even’s dreams and Even is grateful, for the first time he doesn’t want to think about them, not when there’s this beautiful boy looking at him the way he is.

Isak’s smiles again and after some quick consideration he scoots closer to Even. “This talks better, yeah? So we don’t have to shout?”

Even’s heart skips a beat when the other boy’s smile turns shy and he ducks his head. It’s ridiculous but he’s already smitten with the boy and they’ve only shared a couple of words.

“How about we go outside?” he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and when the boy blushes, he laughs. “To talk, of course!”

Isak bites the inside of his cheek, looking up at Even through his eyelashes and Even knows he’s doomed. “It’s too cold outside,” Isak says, and Even’s heart sinks for just a moment before he continues, “but I live here so you could come to my room?”

That’s even better, Even figures so he nods and lets Isak guide him to his room. The boy looks nervous on the way there, checking to see if no one is paying attention and Even realises he might not be out yet.

Entering the room, Isak turns even more nervous, his blush deepening and his eyes glued to the floor. “Sorry for the mess,” he mumbles.

Even looks around, feels a weird sense of deja vu, like he’s been here before. He shrugs, “it’s fine. Mind if I sit on your bed?” 

Isak shakes his head and follows Even’s lead, perching on the edge of the bed, his legs bouncing slightly.

“Hey,” Even draws his attention, “want to…” he lets his voice die out as he wiggles the joint he pulled out of his pocket around.

Isak’s shoulders finally relax and he nods.

As they share the blunt, conversation grows easier. The beat of the music behind the door is like a soundtrack to their words, and everytime Even can make Isak laugh, his heart swells to double the size.

“See,” Isak says, after what might be half an hour but could also be half a lifetime, “I just think the idea of parallel universes is so interesting. Every possible universe you could think of is out there.” He gestures widely, his arm almost smacking Even in the face.

Even laughs as he grips Isak’s wrist in one hand, “okay, I think that’s enough jay for you.”

Isak blushes, “no, but… Isn’t it?”

He takes a moment to truly consider it, “Every possibility?”

“Yes, like, there might be one where they’re playing actual good music instead of Taylor swift for the fifth time this past hour.”

Even laughs, he hadn't even noticed the music outside. 

“Or one where… one where soulmates don’t exist,” Isak says, turning his head to look Even in the eye.

His heart thumps painfully, he doesn’t like to think about universes without soulmates. “A universe where you’re truly alone.”

“A universe where you get to make the choice,” Isak corrects him, “Where you decide who to love, not some… mystical force no one truly understands.”

“But they are perfect for you, why would you not want them?”

Isak swallows, shakes his head, “never mind.”

Even turns on his side, slowly raises his hand to Isak’s cheek. They just look at each other, tension crackling in the air and Even starts scooting closer, ever so slowly when suddenly there’s a knock on the door.

“Isak? We’re going to the party, are you coming?” a voice sounds from behind the door and Even has that weird sense of deja vu again.

Isak shoots up, looks at the door in panic, then at Even and then back at the door. “No, I’m… I’m not feeling well, you go ahead.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Eskild, I’m fine!” Isak shouts back.

The steps outside the door fade away in the sudden quiet and Isak breathes out, dropping back down on his back.

“Are you okay?” Even asks, watching Isak sigh deeply.

“Yes!” Isak assures him, voice too high pitched to be the truth, “it’s just that… not that… I mean, I’m just…”

“Hey,” Even interrupts him, putting his hand back on Isak’s cheek, “it’s fine, you don’t have to explain.”

Isak breathes out in relief, smiling softly. “Can we just… lay here for a bit?”

“We can,” Even replies, stroking soft circles on Isak’s cheek.

*

They end up talking through most of the night, until they’re so tired Isak falls asleep halfway through a sentence. Even watches him for a moment before his eyes drift close as well.

He dreams of laughter and long, slender fingers. 

When he wakes up, Isak is the first thing he sees. The boy’s eyes still closed, his face relaxed and angelic in the morning light. The visions of his dreams still linger in the back of his mind but all he can think about is  _ Isak Isak Isak _ . 

He doesn’t try to convince himself Isak is his soulmate. Not out of some martyr’s perspective where he believes he can’t possibly  _ be _ Isak’s soulmate, but just because it would be so unlikely. There’s no use hurting himself.

At the same time… he’s never cared less about his soulmate. In the seven months he’s been having his dreams, he’s always recorded all the dreams in his little green notebook, collecting clues like they’re precious jewels. Now he can’t be bothered to get up, let’s the visions slip between his fingers and instead focuses on counting Isak’s eyelashes.

“Good morning,” he whispers when said eyelashes start to flutter.

Isak’s eyes shoot open, surprise colouring his face. “Oh! You’re still here,” he breathes.

“Did you not want me to?” Even questions, suddenly afraid he should’ve left already.

“No!” Isak exclaims, “I mean, yes! I mean… I’m happy you’re still here.”

The blush from the night before returns and Even can’t help but put his hand back on Isak’s cheek. Isak turns his head more fully in Even’s palm, shudders a breath.

His eyes close for a heartbeat and then open again as he turns even more so his lips are pressed against Even’s palm. He looks him in the eye as he presses the softest of kisses there.

Even’s heart soars.

When his phone beeps, he regretfully pulls his hand away from Isak’s face. The message is from his mom, asking him when he’s coming home. Alongside his mom’s message there are also approximately a million messages from his friends asking him where he is and if he died.

“I need to go home,” Even turns to Isak just in time to see the other boy try to hide the disappointment in his eyes, “but we’ll meet soon? Yeah?”

Isak nods and accepts Even’s phone to type in his phone number. Even saves him as Isak<3 and Isak smiles, silently pleased.

Even gets up to collect his things while Isak stretches out on the bed like a lazy cat, making Even even sorrier he has to go home. “See you!” he says, before bending down and pecking Isak quickly on the cheek.

“See you,” Isak replies, soft smile curved around his lips.

*

They text all the time, at all hours of the day, about everything. Even soon learns that Isak’s dry wit and his tendency to mercilessly make fun of people is coupled with a soft heart and fierce loyalty to the ones he loves. He remains as funny, sweet and smart as he was that very first night and Even falls deeper and deeper every day.

The dreams don’t stop, but Even completely stops writing them down. Instead, first thing in the morning, he’ll grab for his phone to text Isak, wish him good morning.

“So… Isak, huh,” Mikael interrupt him while he’s answering Isak’s whining texts about their biology teacher and her apparent adversity to bras.

“Isak,” Even agrees, before resuming his typing.

“Dude,” Adam says, laughing.

“Is he your soulmate?” Yousef asks him, quiet excitement in his voice.

Even sighs, puts his phone face down on the table. “I don’t think so… I don’t know, to be honest,” he shrugs, “does it matter? I like him, I think he likes me…”

“What about when you meet your soulmate? What will happen then?” Yousef asks and Even shrugs again.

“Listen, I don’t know! But this feels good, better than it ever did with Sonja, and we haven’t even kissed yet. I just… I want to see where this goes, okay?” he looks around to table, waiting for his friends to nod.

Mutta knocks his shoulder against Even’s, “who knows, he might still be your soulmate!”

“Who knows,” Even says, even though he doubts he could be that lucky.

*

It’s been three weeks, two days and 5 hours since Even last spoke to Isak in real life, not that he’s counting. He briefly saw him and waved at him when Yousef suddenly decided to get coffee in the KB where Isak and Sana were working on their project. He also passed him walking out of the Bakkoush home just as Even arrived there. Once Even thinks he saw him on the other side of the street.

Needless to say, Even wants to see him. Maybe hold his hand. Possibly kiss his cheek again. He doesn’t think about kissing him on the mouth, he really doesn’t (except he does, all the time).

When he tentatively texts Isak if he’s up for a kebab or something, their conversation falls quiet. Longer than it has ever been, long enough for Even to start panicking.

Isak’s reply, a simple “Sure!”, comes as a relief.

Seeing Isak again feels like a gulp of fresh air after holding your breath for too long and so for the first few seconds Even just stands there, drinking in Isak’s appearance.

Isak ducks his chin slightly and looks back, seemingly as drunk on Even as Even is on him.

“Sorry it took so long to reply,” Isak breaks the heated silence, “I had to… I had to tell someone something first.”

“Are you okay?” Even asks and Isak nods, smiling.

They buy their kebabs and walk back out of the shop, in the direction of the park. 

Isak is quiet as they sit down on a bench in a secluded part of the park, picking at his food. “I was here, a couple of hours ago,” Even turns to look at him, “when I wasn’t replying to you?”

Even hums for Isak to continue.

“I had to talk to my best friend. I had to tell him…,” he falls quiet, eyes flitting away nervously, “I had to tell him I’m gay.”

Even reaches out, palms Isak’s face, thumbs the spot on Isak’s cheek he’s starting to call his. “I’m proud of you,” Isak beams. “Are you okay?’ he asks and when Isak nods: “Why now?”

Isak rolls his eyes, “Don’t ask stupid questions,” he says. Warmth blooms in Even’s chest.

He wanted to make a big declaration, take Isak to the pool, kiss him underwater. Or up on a balcony. Or just as the sun is setting. But maybe Isak’s declaration is big enough. 

So, he puts his kebab to the side, watches Isak do the same, and leans forward. “I’m going to kiss you now,” he says.

Isak rolls his eyes again, “okay.”

They kiss, first softly and then Even licks Isak’s lips, a wordless question. Isak opens his mouth without a doubt, pulling Even closer, a sigh-like moan slipping from his mouth to Even’s. 

When they separate Isak’s mouth is glistening, his lips red, his eyes shining. Even would do anything for him.

Isak chases Even’s mouth, making Even laugh and peck him on the mouth. “Your food is getting cold.”

“I don’t care,” Isak whines, kissing Even again and again until they’re both lightheaded.

They end up going back to Isak’s place, Isak’s bed. Legs tangled under the duvet, sharing soft kisses, fingers trailing each other’s faces.

“I really like you,” Even whispers as the sun starts to set outside.

“I really like you too,” Isak whispers back, softly rubbing his nose against Even’s.

*

Even dreams of happiness, pure unfiltered happiness. 

He wakes up to Isak kissing his cheek.

“Did you dream?” Isak asks him and Even nods.

“He’s happy,” Even says, pushing a stray curl behind Isak’s ear.

“That’s good.”

“It is, I hope he’s as happy as I am right now,” Even kisses Isak, “with you.”

Isak smiles and settles his head on Even’s chest.

“I should tell you something,” Even says, and he wishes he didn’t do this on an empty stomach but Isak is laying on his chest and Even realises he wants to keep him. Forever if possible. And to do that, Even needs to be honest.

Isak hums in question.

“I… I want to be with you,” Even starts, and Isak rubs his face against Even’s chest, happiness radiating off him, “so you need to know I’m bipolar.”

Isak raises his head to look at Even.

“I’m bipolar, and I have a soulmate I don’t know yet.” 

Isak bites the inside of his cheek, and Even waits until he’s ready to say something. 

“Okay,” is the only thing he says.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, Even, okay. I want to be with you too. I knew you had a soulmate, I know you might meet them any day and this might be over but I just… let’s just take this day by day, minute by minute, okay?”

Even nods.

“You’ll need to tell me more about the bipolar, though, I want to know how I can help,” Isak says, and then lays his head back down. Simple as that.

“You’re incredible,” Even breathes and Isak huffs, buries his face in the crook of Even’s neck.

“So are you.”

*

“I heard you’re dating someone,” Sonja says in lieu of a greeting.

Her hair is longer now, falling over her shoulders. The colour more vibrant somehow. She looks happy, settled, older but in a way that suits her. 

“I am,” Even replies, passing her the cup of coffee he ordered for her. 

He and Isak have been dating for a couple of months now.

She smiles gratefully, before taking a sip. Her eyes are thoughtful as she watches Even. “Is he your soulmate?” 

“I don’t know,” Even shrugs. He doesn’t mean to be short with her, but he doesn’t feel like analysing his relationship. Not with her, not with anyone. 

He and Isak have been happy these past few weeks and Even has been giving his soulmate less and less thought, too absorbed by his feelings for the boy.

Sonja raises her eyebrows. 

Even sighs, “He might be, he might not be. I don’t know.”

“And you’re okay with that? He’s okay with that?” she asks, sounding like she doesn’t believe him for a second.

Even leans back, looking for words to describe what he’s feeling. It’s not that he doesn’t know how painful this could be. He could meet his soulmate any day. They could date until Isak’s 19 and then Isak could run into his soulmate. All of this could end any day, and Even knows it would hurt. It will break his heart, but “I think… I think I just can’t not be with him.”

“Wow,” Sonja says, softly releasing the air between her lips, “he must be something.”

“He is.”

“Does he know?” Sonja asks.

“He knows I’m 19 so I mean-”

“No, I mean about the…,” she trails off, does a weird hand movement Even figures is supposed to mean  _ does he know about the crazy in your head _ .

“Jesus, Sonja,” he grumbles. Sonja just shrugs, raises her eyebrows as if to say “well?”

“Yes, he knows, I told him. I thought that was only fair. He had to know he was about to date damaged goods.”

“That’s not what I meant, Even,” Sonja says, grabbing his hand, “It’s not! I just want what’s best for you.”

“You don’t get to decide what’s best for me, not anymore.”

Sonja lets go of his hand, leans back. “We really were never going to be soulmates.” She’s annoyed, low simmering anger radiating off her, making Even antsy and ready to bolt.

He hates they got thrown back into this so easily. Like they can’t break the habit, even after breaking up. 

“I guess not.”

“God, Even, I-”

“Hey, baby,” Isak suddenly appears to Even’s left, as if he appeared out of thin air, brought into existence just by Even’s wish to see him.

“Isak!” Even says, delighted.

Isak pecks him on the cheek before turning to Sonja. She introduces herself with a handshake, previous anger gone behind a veil of politeness.

“Oh, you’re Sonja!” Isak says, “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Sonja’s polite smile wavers for a second, “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Isak says, hand absentmindedly stroking through Even’s hair, “Even told me you were there for him when he got diagnosed.”

“Oh,” Sonja repeats, her eyes flitting back to Even. 

Even knows her well enough to see the emotion in her eyes, the softness there.

“You were good to me, Sonja,” he says softly and she nods.  

Isak watches the both of them. “I’ll leave you to it,” he says, “I’ll see you tonight, yeah?” 

Even nods, accepts the kiss Isak presses onto his lips.

“Okay,” Sonja says when Isak has left.

“Okay?”

“I think I get it,” she explains and Even smiles. “Mutta is right, though.”

Even tilts his head in question.

“He’s going to turn out to be your soulmate.”

Even laughs, “I appreciate you guys’ confidence.”

*

Isak tells Even about his mother. About how he ran away from home when he couldn’t handle being around her. About the guilt.

“Were they soulmates?” Even asks tentatively.

Isak nods, “They were good together when I was small, but when mamma got sicker… My dad said it wasn’t her anymore, he was soulmates with a healthy woman, not her.” His eyes burn with rage.

Even nods, twists his mouth. He doesn’t want to agree with Isak’s dad, because leaving his son with a mentally ill mother was horrible, but maybe he understands not wanting to be with a sick soulmate. He wouldn’t blame his own soulmate for leaving him.

“It’s bullshit, Even,” Isak says, as if reading his mind, “He was just too weak to fight for his soulbond, I’d never leave you and-” 

He falls quiet when he realises the implication of his words. 

“You think we’re soulmates?” Even asks.

Isak ducks his head, “I think I just hope we are.”

“So do I,” Even says, kissing him on the cheek.

Suddenly Even remembers something, “Is that why you said the thing about soulmates? The first night we met? Because you’ve seen the bad part of it?”

Isak rolls his eyes, “No, Even, I was pissed about the whole soulmate thing because I saw you and I immediately knew I wanted you but your soulmate might come between me and any chance I had with you.”

Even blinks, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Isak replies, smiling.

He meets Isak’s mom shortly after. She’s a soft spoken woman, eyes like Isak’s. 

Isak introduces Even as his boyfriend. She smiles so wide Even feels it in his heart.

That night he dreams of the screaming woman again, her face still distorted and unclear, but there’s less fear, more understanding.

*

They’re in the middle of watching a movie on Isak’s bed, legs tangled, Isak’s head on Even’s shoulder, his fingers tracing a pattern on the back of Even’s hand.

Even has turned twenty, Isak’s 18th birthday is coming up. His dreams are as confusing as ever, but he gets the feeling his soulmate is happy. He hopes he is, whoever his soulmate is, he deserves to be as happy as Even is with Isak.

“I want to move in with you,” Isak says. Even pauses the movie.

“I thought you wanted to wait until you were 19?” Even says, noticing how Isak avoids his eyes.

“Why wait? There’s not enough room in the Kollektiv now Noora’s back and we’re sleeping together more often than not.”

“Isak?” Even picks up the laptop, placing on the ground next to the bed. He pulls at Isak until the other boy relents and crawls into Even’s lap. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Isak shrugs, still avoiding Even’s eyes.

“Baby, tell me.”

“Mutta found his soulmate,” Isak finally says.

“Yeah, I know, what does that have to do with us moving in together?”

Another shrug. “I just… nevermind, it’s stupid.”

He goes to lift himself off Even’s lap, but Even winds his arms around isak’s waist, pulling him closer to him. “I bet it’s not stupid.”

“Maybe if we’re living together and you ultimately find your soulmate you won’t leave,” Isak says, so fast Even almost misses it.

Even’s heart hurts. He wishes he could promise Isak he’ll never leave, that he’ll choose Isak over his soulmate, but he knows he can’t. When his soulmate turns 19 the pull will be so powerful, Even doesn’t know what will happen.

He can’t promise Isak this will last, but he can give him everything of him as long as possible.

“Let’s move in together,” he says and Isak’s face lights up. 

That night they fall asleep closer than ever before, Isak almost completely on top of him, clinging to Even like he’s afraid he might lose him any second.

Even’s dreams are dark.

*

“You think he might be your soulmate?” Magnus asks him on Even’s 21st birthday. “You’re still waiting for your soulmate to get of age, right?”

Even smiles, watches Isak and Eva dance in the middle of their living room. 

“I don’t know Magnus, I honestly don’t think it matters.”

They’ve been living together for almost a year now, and although his dreams are getting more vivid, he finds himself forgetting about them the minute he opens his eyes and sees Isak. 

“What if his dreams come and it’s not you?” Magnus presses.

“Then I’ll let him go, if that’s what he wants.”

“What if you run into your soulmate tomorrow?” 

Even laughs, “Magnus, I don’t know!” He turns back to Isak, catches his eye.

Isak blows him a kiss from across the room and Even returns the gesture.

“I know I love him, and that I can’t imagine my life without him. I know we made a deal,” Isak has made his way over to him, drops down in his lap.

“What deal?” Magnus asks.

“Take it day by day, minute by minute,” Isak replies in his stead.

*

“I don’t want to fall asleep,” Isak slurs, already sleep drunk.

“It’s okay, baby,” Even says, twirling Isak’s curls around his fingers, “I’m here, whatever happens, whatever you dream.”

“I don’t want to,” Isak repeats, pouting.

“You can’t stay awake forever.”

“Try me,” Isak says and Even laughs, kissing the pout of his boyfriend’s face.

He keeps kissing Isak until he falls asleep. Even in his sleep, Isak’s hands remain fisted in Even’s shirt.

It doesn’t take long before Even can see his eyes move behind his eyelids, meaning Isak is dreaming.

He swallows painfully, the fear lodged in his throat like barbed wire. Sure there’s a chance it’s him Isak is dreaming of, but the odds… are slim.

Even buries his nose in Isak’s hair, breathes in deeply and somehow falls asleep.

He dreams of a neon party, two yellow suns. A flash of Sana and Yousef, then slender fingers gripping his own. A Taylor Swift song. Eskild. A cheek kiss. A phone number. So many texts. A bench. Soft lips. A woman, smiling widely. A front door. Dancing in the middle of a room. Everything filled with love, so much love.

Most startlingly of all, Even dreams his own face, again and again, more than any other image there is Even. Smiling, talking, in a depressive episode, naked, sketching, winking… a thousand images of him, clearer than any other image.

He wakes up to Isak already looking at him.

“It’s you,” he says and Isak smiles, smiles, smiles.

“It’s me.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Talk to me on Tumblr](http://greathalesonfire.tumblr.com/)   
> 


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